I'd be lying if I told you I didn't cry today.
Rest in Peace Michael, we love you.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Fading
I feel myself fading at times, riding the wind's current as I slip into unconsciousness. I don't even recognize my old work as I stare at it thinking I wish I could write like that. I hate wandering aimlessly, and this is probably why I multitask, I dream, I write, I hate reality I want to escape it in some way at times.
I scare myself at night, dreaming of death and how it will all end. I picture the world turning and all I can see is blackness, in my demise. I hate thinking about slipping into senility. A body losing its mind, what a waste. I'm scared to lose control, and this is perhaps why I do not drink. I hate the idea of not being in control of what I do, the ability to make decisions based on my constant awareness. So that makes me a control freak...is this a bad thing? Is my controlling personality a flaw worth looking into?
I often wonder what life would be like had I let go of my inhibitions and let my mind and heart go through what I was exposed to early in my life. I found myself feeling like an old man, walking down the high school hallways. I hated them all, now that I remember. I didn't care about anyone I hurt, and pretended to console them....like I actually gave a shit. Why did I do that?
I've been busy as hell. To update the situation here, I have been giving school 110% and the other 90% goes to work and family. I find myself thinking, writing and talking about games more than I can play them. This has done a large amount of damage to my gamer ego as I find smaller, faster games more inviting at this point. I can't wait till I see some light at the end of this tunnel. Till next time.
P.S.
I promise I will write more when I can...but then again I can never really keep promises, its a family trait.
I scare myself at night, dreaming of death and how it will all end. I picture the world turning and all I can see is blackness, in my demise. I hate thinking about slipping into senility. A body losing its mind, what a waste. I'm scared to lose control, and this is perhaps why I do not drink. I hate the idea of not being in control of what I do, the ability to make decisions based on my constant awareness. So that makes me a control freak...is this a bad thing? Is my controlling personality a flaw worth looking into?
I often wonder what life would be like had I let go of my inhibitions and let my mind and heart go through what I was exposed to early in my life. I found myself feeling like an old man, walking down the high school hallways. I hated them all, now that I remember. I didn't care about anyone I hurt, and pretended to console them....like I actually gave a shit. Why did I do that?
I've been busy as hell. To update the situation here, I have been giving school 110% and the other 90% goes to work and family. I find myself thinking, writing and talking about games more than I can play them. This has done a large amount of damage to my gamer ego as I find smaller, faster games more inviting at this point. I can't wait till I see some light at the end of this tunnel. Till next time.
P.S.
I promise I will write more when I can...but then again I can never really keep promises, its a family trait.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Reflecting
Well it's been a hell of a year. 2008 brought on many challenges, some of which I have yet to overcome. I've finally take some steps in the right direction and can't wait to start making some changes. First off, I've joined Westwood College Online. After doing some research, I went ahead jumped into the whole thing. I got the call and spoke with a representative, Matt Mcrae, who is an outstanding individual. We got to talking and I practically gave him my life story, poor guy. Before you knew it, I was on a one way road to getting a bachelor's with a major in Game Design (or Software Development depending on how it pans out). Monday was my first day of school and I took advantage of the forums they have us participating in. My software and books came in so I've been readin up on the assignments ever since.
My baby boy is 3 months old now and growing. He's a beast. I sat him next to my 2 year old neice the other day and she's maybe about a head taller. I've showered him in skeleton clothes and mohawk hair-do's but I can't wait till the day I stick a controller in his hand and become the coolest dad ever lol. I spend a lot of time playing with him and giving him colored things to play with, it's suppose to help his response time so hopefully he will be ready when Call of Duty 12 hits :)
So the only thing lacking at the moment is the absence of a good steady job. The mortgage industry crashed and burned this past year so I've been searching for something stable and something that can pay the bills. The funds are running out and the games out aren't making it too easy for me >.<>
The Checklist
Fable II - Completed
Tale of Vesperia - In progress
Fallout 3 - In progress
Dead Space - Completed
Red Alert 3 - In progress
Gears of War 2 - In progress
Left 4 Dead - In progress
Call of Duty: World at War - In progress
Dragonball Z: Burst Limit - Haven't started
Infinite Undiscovery - Haven't started
Lost Odyssey - Havent started
Still on Shelves
FF4 for DS
Little Big Planet
Mirrors Edge
Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm
Valkyria Chronicles
Last Remnant
Persona 4
Anticipating
Halo Wars
Resident Evil 4
Street Fighter 4
Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War II
Demigod
Killzone 2
Anyway so this time away also gave me time to start a hardcore gaming blog, rather than a gamer dad who just talks about stuff. Here's the link incase anyone's interested in becoming drenched in awesomeness! http://level-up-blog.blogspot.com/
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